Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Chicken Bones At Any Moment

I glanced to my left and noticed a diagram depicting an upside-down fetus in an ear. Let the Witchdoctoring commence, I thought. This illustration was not exactly allaying any fears I might have had about volunteering to be treated as a pin cushion. My acupuncturist's name, I noted, was White Eagle. Nicknames seemed out of the question on that one. He is, by the way, genuinely Native American/First Nation so at least I wasn't confronted by the alarming prospect of some dude from Cincinnati struggling with a protracted issue of a contrived persona.

So where have I been? Being perforated, among other things, how are you all?

My son's long saga with his funky moles continues as more are removed and the people doing the biopsies, aware that they are examining tissue from something of a medical oddity, are being extra cautious. A twenty-year-old with one instance of malignant melanoma caught before it could spread is the proverbial hen's tooth in the medical world. So as patches of skin surrounding the three traitorous moles are removed, they are examined with a thoroughness that is both awesome and terrifying. One came back with "severely atypical" cells and was sent to yet another university for study.

This plunged two universities' medical schools into a pitched debate, the University of Colorado and the University of Southern California's had themselves a bit of a dogfight over what needed to be done. CU decided that enough skin had been removed, USC begged to differ and my son's doctor threw the decision into the lap of my twenty-year-old son, claiming it was up to him to decide.

This is the same kid who frequently has trouble figuring out how to make the microwave achieve the setting he desires. Unsurprisingly, I made the call on that and since he now goes in for four skin checks a year, I decided to err on the side of "Watch that area." The patch in question is between his shoulder blades and due to repeated movements, is a bit hairy to take more away from anyway. I actually do trust the doctor in question and if there was any question in his mind that it needed to be removed, he have said so. Saying that it was up to Flint was the same as saying he thought USC had eaten their paranoia flakes that morning.

Besides, he still has one on his head to go, on the top of his head, actually. I try to spend as little time thinking about that one as I can, as it hangs out rather too close to his brain for me to contemplate it all that comfortably. Its puncture biopsy also indicated that it is severely atypical.

Severely Atypical. Perhaps a good band name, certainly a decent enough explanation for some of his behaviors but not a thing I like to dwell on too much. Because my son is a Type 1 diabetic, he heals slowly and so we take these choppings in stages. We have that luxury as severely atypical means only that it was contemplating being something bad, but had yet to make up its cellular mind.

Let's hear it for bad cells that dither long enough to be discovered before enacting any nefarious plans. So good fortune, but a goodly dose of stress. This is probably a good description of nearly all of our lives, isn't it? At least I keep good company in all of you.

However, I managed to aggravate most of my old injuries by doing moronic things like clambering up and down ladders, while working out too hard in a bid for endorphins. Insomnia came to visit and then moved the heck in. The malady was one we can all relate to at times in our lives: Generalized Yuck. Migraines, my old foe, were becoming a daily occurrence and as is my way, I finally got ticked off enough by a body in rebellion to do something about it.

Die, stress, die! I declared. I've seen too many people fall to unintentional dependency when it comes to pain pills to trust the suckers, so alternative methods it was.

That's how I ended up staring at the diagram and feeling as if it was, perhaps, full of dung or at the very least, misinformation. That was a given, really. I clean my ears regularly and no fetuses lurk there. I sincerely hope, that is, because I shudder to contemplate the delivery process if I'm currently cooking one up.

After talking to White Eagle, I did ask, "So, are you gonna start rolling chicken bones in a moment?" "Yes, with smoke signals too. Would you prefer that I spit rum or vodka in your face?" "Rum, you can never be sure what vodka's been derived from, so you have to be careful."

A fellow smartass, as you can see. We were going to get along splendidly and have.

By the way, it's helped tremendously. So has the acupressure I had performed all over my darned body to help heal my Qi. This literally left me bruised from head to foot, with small fingertip bruises. I looked a bit like a leopard.

I also promised my 6'4" husband I would do my best not to croak under mysterious circumstances until such time as they healed, as he'd likely be a main (and large) suspect, considering that I had a bunch of bruises on my neck and at the base of my skull. They've since turned a very attractive sulfur yellow.

Boy, do I feel pretty. You likely won't be seeing this look on the runways of Paris anytime soon. It's made me look like cream cheese that has just gone over. Woo and hoo.

I've always had a bad habit of going to ground, choosing to not really talk much about things going wrong. I retreat into escapism like TV or films. It's a hold over from an iffy sort of childhood, where when things went wrong, I'd simply hide with a book and my dog.

Cricket from Cricket and Porcupine is a friend of mine and emailed me, hoping all was well and it was only as I was attempting to hide behind him, saying (basically) "Hey, could you maybe mention that I'm not dead, just hiding for a variety of reasons?" that I realized I'd be giving White Feather a reason to name mw Stands While Clucking.

"You have to learn how to redirect your energy, shut your mind down. Relieve the stress," White Feather told me.

"Dude, if I could do that on my own, what are the chances I'd have a needle sticking out of my forehead?"

His prognosis? "I think you might be Alien."

Told you he was a smartass. At least, I think he was being a smartass. I hope.

I try to show up around these parts when I'm up to being helpful or funny. Be well, good people of the internet!

May the chicken bones have no need to be with you.

I searched the internet for that ear diagram, but I only found this:



Anyone want a Qtip?

101 comments:

The Bug said...

You and Philip posting on the same day! And with not exactly great news... I like being kept informed of my blog friends issues - it makes me feel like we're really a community, and I don't feel as bad about blogging my own issues.

And now I really think I will schedule an appointment with a dermatologist to have my moles checked out. I've noticed a whole new crop of them on my arms & it's not even summer yet!

Land of shimp said...

Bug, please do! It' good to see you, and I want to be sure I can keep seeing your screenname :-)

I'll check in with you and then with Philip. That sounds rather worrisome, but hopefully you're okay!

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Mia said...

Cancer blows.

yemamaya said...

I'm not saying much, except: may the great Manitou or whoever be with your son and family.(Being from eastern Europe, I have mastered Native American religion and spirituality mainly trough Vinetou and Karl May books, and the fact that the guy never set foot in America never helped the matter)
I think I can remotely imagine the stress, since TheManOfTheHouse is also Type I (averagely managed) diabetic. So, I keep nervously checking him for any malicious signs of Whatever, and TheChild has a severly thraumatised childhood, since she is being nagged at after every sweet she consumes, and looked upon suspiciously every time she seems thirsty. Good Luck so far, fingers crossed.
(btw.: how come that everything that starts with 'i'm not saying much' than just seem to go on forever? darn it.)

Glenda Manus said...

I've gone the acupuncture route a time or two for migraines. Who would think being stuck by needles would bring relief from pain - but somehow it does. Keep up the pro-active watching of those moles.

Jennifer D said...

Oh Shimp, I was so happy to see you posted but did it have to be such stressful news? I hope things get better for you soon. There has been so much pain going on in the lives of many friends and family. Life can be so hard.

Land of shimp said...

Mia, entirely true :-) Let us hope it continues to stay as far away from possible from both of us.

Hi, yemamaya, I feel for you on this, I truly do. I popped over to your blog to give you a link to an article that contains some hopeful news for a us both. Thank you for commenting...and I like it when people go on :-) Bit prone to it myself!

Hello, Glenda Manus :-) It does seem rather an ironic thing, doesn't it? "I'm being treated for pain and migraines, joint pain..."

"What are you having done?"

"Oh, needless in my joints...feet, legs, arms, wrists, hands..."

Seems counter-intuitive doesn't it? We will indeed keep watching and thank you for the good wishes and the comment.

Jennifer! Hellllloooooo! Don't worry, we shall endure and overcome, in the meantime? I have plenty of chocolate. It's good to see your screenname, you wonderful, crafty (boy, is that what you say when someone is good at crafts? It seems like it should be)...woman, you.

Vera said...

Crikey, but you've had it rough! Sending you blessings to help you along the way, and hope that all turns out alright for you and yours.

Kathy said...

I always love to read your posts. I am so sorry that life has been so stressful and am sending my best thoughts to you and your son. I know that I can handle a lot but when something is wrong with one of my kids it's the preverbial straw! Again, good to hear from you. I love the way you write.

NormalToEatPB said...

I'm so glad you're back, but sorry to hear about your son and his moles. I had accupuncture once btw, I needle was lost during the procedure and never found - to me, it felt like nothing, maybe I should try again

Pauline said...

Needles - better in than out; atypical moles - better off than on; chicken bones - best left in the smoke...

Hope things get better soon on all fronts! Don't want to read a post from your husband about his not guilty plea!

yemamaya said...

Hi Shimp! Thanks. Love having you visited my blog, or whatever it is, one says when ones blog is visited.
I did indeed see the article on the topic, and I'm wofwofwofing that the scientists do process it ASAP. You know how it is, we'd all like to see the thing became just a minor nuissance instead of bloomin' lurking thing that creeps in your head and spoils the fun of doing such worthwhile activities as dusting or scrubing the burnt chunks out of roasting pan or depilating ones calfs...

A propos sheep and Winnie-The-Pooh: Translation of slovene into english is indeed a bugger, language having 6 declinations, singular, dual and plural and about 160 dialects in a nation of 2 mio. Why have it easy, when we can coplicate matters, eh? But just so you know: the SpaceSheep is extremely thought-provoking work of art, illustrating my seriously deep and rewarding progress in academic life (writing thesis...at my age.. sheesh) and Eyeore is my sunny-dispositioned alter ego ;).

yemamaya said...

Oh and btw, the acupuncture seems to work on hay fever as well. It did for me. Almost made the feeling of being human shish-kebab ikebana bearable.

Hilary said...

Alane, good to see you out in the Blogiverse but I hate that your son is going through this and that you're dealing with so much stress. I'm glad that they're on top of things though.. and I think I'd love your acupuncturist.

Big hugs to you, my friend.

Tabor said...

So sorry for all this health trauma. I just had two areas on my nose frosted because they were the type of cells that can become cancerous...of course...and now I have wounds there. The dermatologist did ask if I was going to a wedding or something important soon. I look like I have been in a fight with a woodpecker!

slommler said...

Boy! You have been through quite a lot lately. No wonder you are stressed!! Yikes!
I hope all his moles are benign!!! And that your migraines disappear as well as the stress!!
Hugging you
SueAnn

Kerry said...

Well little wonder that you have been stressed out and revisited by migraines. Nobody wants to hear the words"severely atypical" from a doctor. But you have been decisive and proactive on your son's behalf, and that is the best you can do right now, so good for you.

I've never been to an acupuncturist, but I think I like the idea that he has a sense of humor...this man with a collection of long needles, deciding where to poke you...he can make you laugh. Strong medicine.

PhilipH said...

Hi Alane. My sincere thanks for your visit to Clare's first blog.
Things are a tad awry for so many people recently. The horrific fate of thousands of Japanese souls and the heartless attacks on the brave Libyan rebels to mention just two.
Hope you are doing really well despite all that's been going on with you and yours.
Oddly enough I went to my doctor about 2 months ago as a small wound on the bridge of my nose refused to heal up for well over a year. He took a photo of it and sent it off to the dermatology dept of the hospital. Went to see the dermatologist who said it was caused by the sun! He gave it a hefty blast of liquid nitrogen. A large and ugly scab for about 8 days and Bingo! Gone, and still gone. It was, apparently, a type of skin cancer! And I always try to keep out of the sun as I burn so easily.
Good to read your post, as always.
Take care, regards Phil

Dave said...

I hope you and your son are improving in health now Alane - Dave

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Kathryn said...

I've missed you and all that you write. :)

One thing you might want to keep in mind for your son, they definitely will be telling him to stay out of the sun now, but a lot of people are vitamin D deficient. He may want to supplement that (and there are studies that relate this deficiency to cancer and other maladies).

I had good results from acupuncture, tho i never found it "relaxing" as i have heard most folks do.

Best wishes. I miss not hearing from you more.

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Shrinky said...

Oh Sweet lady, I can only imagine what you've been going through, and yet still you remain standing with that solid sense of humour! It sounds as though your son is in sound hands, both maternally and professionally - hugs to you and yours, I'm sending warm, healing thoughts to you both. ((x))

Robin said...

Shrimp...ha ha, your name is shrimp. All right, enough of my brain speaking out loud through my hands. Very seriously I am so sorry to hear of your crazy stress. Good thoughts your way for your son's healing and your de-stressing. Nothing like a good smart-ass either, especially one called White Eagle. Does he know you are called Shrimp?

Robin said...

Well crap, shimp isn't as funny but I can respect that. Thank you for all of the encouragment. From what I can see,you have a lot on your plate too so I really appreciate it. Needed a good mom talk and that's what you did. I'll bet you would be fun to drink coffee with. I love blogdome. Now back to life and trying to enjoy the good stuff.

Silly Tilly said...

I am glad you posted again! I like to read blogs from a variety of perspectives and I was missing my "Mom" view for a while! I am around the same age as your son, it seems, and I see in my brother some of the same characteristics, so I always like to hear about him.

It is always hard to have a young person face potentially-serious health issues. My fiancee is showing a couple signs of Type 2, so we are watching that closely and trying to make diet changes... So I feel for you and your son. It is not an easy ride! So I hope your acupuncture continues to help. I'm not a huge fan of the idea, but you gotta stick with whatever works!

ladyfi said...

I do hope your son is OK... So glad to see you hear... Hope you're enjoying the needles... or at least that they're doing what they are supposed to do.

Christine Kelleher said...

Certainly hope things get easier for you. Wouldn't it be nice to have acupuncture/pressure for the entire life, not just our bodies?

My Chiropractor apparently offers acupuncture as well. I always found it odd that someone who can aggressively yank my bones out of their sockets could also use the subtlety of a needle instead. Just seems to contradict each other. Although after he cracks my bones I'd probably not be scared of a tiny needle...

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Renée said...

Hi Alane-
I've only been following your blog for a short time, but I enjoy your posts. Good reflective post - I pray things work out well for you and your family.

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Suldog said...

"... like a cream cheese that has gone bad."

I have never allowed a cream cheese to reach such a state, so this is lost on me. However, I got the rest of it, so I'll say a prayer for your son, and I hope you are back to looking like a healthy cream cheese very soon.

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At least you and your acupuncturist have something in common, you are both smart asses.

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yemamaya said...

Hey Shimp- just dropped by to say hey, and ask if everything is going well with you and your son(well, and your other loved ones). Hope it is. Do drop a line or two and let us see that you still live and breathe.

ThePropagandaMachine said...

hmm. a new respect for the ear and the sum of it's parts. until now I just thought it consisted of eardrum, wax, and floppy thing (lobe)

Tim Jacobs said...

I used to love Qtips until I compacted my ear so bad that the doctor had to do surgery. Ugh. bad day. No more. I stick with a warm cloth now...lol

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PhilipH said...

Alane, just wondering how you and yours are doing right now. It's a year since you last ventured a post on your blog. I'm almost as quiet as you nowadays but just hope you, and your lad, are "well good" - as the 'orrible hEssex mob might put it.
Fond regards, Phil.

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PhilipH said...

Alane, I do so miss your lovely words and postings on Land of Shimp.

I doubt that this comment will get through to you but HOPE you and your family are as well as possible.

Love and best wishes, Phil.

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Hilary said...

Thanking of you and hoping all is well in your world, A!

Hugs,
Hilary