Saturday, July 10, 2010

First the Sound Then the Fury

The man on the phone had absolutely no way of knowing how deeply he had just terrified me, or why I was acting like a complete schmuck. The top of my scalp was tingling and quickly going numb, it felt as if the air had been forcibly sucked from my lungs, and my knees had quite literally buckled together in an effort to keep me upright. There was no way he could have known any of that because the entire response by my nervous system had taken less than two full seconds.

Everyone who has anyone that they love knows how this feels. The late night or early morning phone call, those seconds in between registering that the phone is ringing at an off hour, and finding out why that is are among the most horrible seconds in life. So when my cell phone rang at 7:46 on a weekend morning, immediately I was on alert. It didn't help that I knew my son had been out all night, as he had told me he would be. Or that I knew my husband had left early in the morning to go and do maintenance on the rental home we own. Steve from Insert-Name-Here Painting just had no way of knowing that the two people I love most in the world were out in it, and I hadn't had so much as a sip of coffee.

"Hello?" I said into the phone, the number identified merely as "unknown" on my cell phone display. I was only partially steeled for the worst.

"Mrs. _______?" A very serious male voice inquired. An officious voice. A deadly calm voice. The voice of notification. If the Grim Reaper makes prank phone calls, he likely sounds one hell of a lot like this dude. It probably doesn't help that a lot of people have no idea how to pronounce my first name if they've only ever read it, and rather than try, this guy decided to err on the side of formality. Bad choice, painter man.

Somewhere inside of me a woman nearly deranged by fear managed to answer. We've all gotten the bad calls in our lives and they start like that. It's the greeting of a police officer, a coroner, a fireman. For all I know it's how the flipping Coast Guard captain sounds, before telling you that entire chunks of your life have been found bobbing in the surf.

"This is Steve Eckland from InsertNameHere Painting," he continued in a decidely dour tone.

Just like that every person I love hopped directly out the ditch in which I had mentally placed them, but Steve Eckland doesn't know that to this moment. He doesn't know that my son is a Type 1 diabetic, who doesn't take very good care of his diabetes. Or that I've been told by medical professionals that I'm simply going to have to standby as he flounders through that. He doesn't know that my husband had just been driving on two separate major highways, or that his father actually died doing precisely that. Or that, because the universe has an exceptionally dark sense of humor at times, Rob even had my dog with him. Really, there was just no way for Mr. Steve Eckland (not his real name) to know that in the space of less than ten seconds he had frightened me so badly I actually felt like I might faint.

What he does know is that Saturdays are a work day for him. That he works for the painting company that is contracted to paint the exterior of our house this coming week and he also knew something I did not: he was returning my husband's call. The other thing he likely knows is that he got the most ill-tempered, icy, unfriendly woman in the world on the phone, first thing in the morning.

Numfar, do the dance of rage, silently yelped that woman inside my head, freshly returned from the Isle of Terror.

"Yes?" A small word, yet I know it dripped fury and icicles. My tone of voice at that moment is actually the thing that killed the dinosaurs lo those many years ago.

Anger is the big brother of our emotional response system. It's rarely a pure emotion. Sure, we all have that righteous anger response from time-to-time. A news-piece about a nefarious individual cheating nuns out of money meant to save the baby seals brings it out. Someone dropping kicking infants, or preying on helpless young children. That pure, outraged anger that comes from the place of what is right, versus what is absolutely wrong but most anger is actually about protecting our other emotions. Fear, shame, vulnerability, anger is in charge of guarding the tender parts of our souls. Most of the time when anger sweeps over me like a raging tidal wave, it comes from somewhere cowering.

Want to make someone gibber with rage? Make them feel a right fool first and foremost. Or accidentally make them believe that their treasured and adored loved ones are in peril. I was in complete control of what I was saying, but my tone was about as friendly as a wolverine tweaked out on Meth.

Poor Steve from InsertNameHere Painting, from his perspective I am a shrew with the thinnest veneer of courtesy. That woman who just apparently hates all bipeds and is hard-pressed to bestir herself to even a semblance of civility. I was a harridan, a near banshee. I sucked all joy from time and space. People, I was pissed right the hell off and for no other reason than for the briefest of moments I thought my very worst fears in the world had been realized. Those thorny, malicious demons that come and perch on your chest when you lie awake, staring at the unvarying ceiling above after awaking from a nightmare with nothing to do but listen to your own thudding heart were present in that tone.

Powerful suckers that they are, I was struggling to keep them in check and although I heard my fishwife tone, at the moment the blinding anger towards the person who had frightened me to the core of my being held sway. If I'm being entirely honest, I wasn't actually trying that darned hard to stop it. At that moment I was a ballistic missile.

Over a question about power-washing, but that's the nature of the beast. Whether it is protecting hurt feelings, paralyzing fear, or thwarted love, that kind of anger is the hardest kind to club down and just force it to behave. The "thank you" I uttered at the end of the conversation sounded like it hailed from the Ironic Universe. The words said one thing, the tone was very much insulting his lineage.

And I felt like the biggest jerk in the world because at that moment, I was one of them.

I believe in accountability. I think when you do something wrong, the word does not end but you do have a responsibility to own up to it, make it right. However, in just a couple of seconds Steve, whose own phone manner could actually use a little freaking work, had me envisioning life support machines and possible caskets in my future, was also being a tiny bit remiss in treating his work day as mine also. In addressing me with all the friendliness reserved for a perpetrator of Nana Muggings.

I'll see him this week, and I'll have a chance to utter an apology for being grumpy. I can put it down to the very real, "I had yet to have coffee, I'm sorry."

He has no way of knowing that, like a lot of people, I've had more than one person unexpectedly perish. Really, Steve the Painter doesn't understand how he stepped on the hornet's nest this morning. Or that after I hung up, and grabbed that much needed cup of coffee I was a little sick-to-my stomach.

Anger is complicated, and sometimes amusing to consider in the aftermath. I have a generally cheerful disposition. I don't get angry all that easily, generally speaking at least. But evidently the access to my coldest form of fury lies directly down the road from my greatest fears.

Everybody has their sacred ground. The stuff we protect within us with the sabers and guns of our emotions.

Poor Steve but, screw it, I tip well and although it is almost two hours later, I'm still a little miffed that I started the morning with a blast off into terror, that then made me feel foolish, which in turn woke up the Troll sleeping under my personal bridge. The goat community reports no survivors.

Next time maybe he'll wait until the back of eight o'clock in the morning to make a call with his Undertaker's tone in full swing. I'll be over here waiting for the Gruff Killing Troll to return to the land of Nod.


PhilipH said...

Phew! Good job I read this before I phoned you tomorrow morning Alane. I'd be bound to have forgotten the six or so hours time difference!

If I'd phoned at UK time 8.30 a.m. ... oops, that might have been a bit of a mistake, eh what?

ellen abbott said...

Definitely not my favorite way to start a Saturday.

Becky the Design Lady said...

Steve the painter would have received exactly the same reaction from me.
Pre- 8am is just bad manners whether it's the weekend or the middle of the work week.
I don't want to answer the door in my bathrobe and slippers and I'm not much more enthusiastic about answering the phone like that either. (especially before coffee)

I don't think you have anything to apologize for.
In fact, I think this would be an opportunity for him to learn to be a little more considerate of others.

Land of shimp said...

Philip, hehe, my mother frequently forgets about the time difference when she's in the UK but is much, much worse about it the other half of the year in Florida. This is the same woman who would have verbally skinned me alive for calling someone at that hour of the morning :-)

However, I've heard your voice on your blog, and know full well that I'd be sitting there lulled into civility by your voice. You would safe from my personal Medusa.

It's good to see you, Sir Philip.

Ellen, nor mine, clearly. Lordy, I still feel a complete jerk. I was as charming as a canker sore and honestly, the chagrin over that is sticking with me longer than anger did. Oy.

Becky, thank you! I actually needed to read that because I am quite ashamed of my reaction. Just the fact that all the words were completely polite, and not one of them started with F or could be tied to Oedipus is something of a miracle.

Thank you for saying that. Maybe I'll just content myself with not having actually called him any names ;-) I think I'll likely tell him I'm sorry though. Even though he was being rude. Grrr. Grrr growl.

Teri said...

I'd have been angry too. And I don't think I'd been as civil as you. You know, sometime civil is a victory...

I tell people DO NOT phone me before 9am or after 9pm. I am not a business so please don't interupt my personal time. There are 12 other lovely hours you are most welcome to use.

Hope your day is MUCH better from here on!!

Jo said...

I'll never forget the phone call telling me my husband had died in a plane crash. It is indelibly imprinted in my brain and my psyche. So, I know exactly what you were feeling for those few seconds.

Two summers ago my family was driving from New York to Nova Scotia, to visit an aunt. They were not able to cross the border into Canada because they were Canadian and they had a rented American car. So they had to turn back for New York. The aunt in Nova Scotia phoned me, and before she could tell me the whole story, she started sobbing uncontrollably. Of course, I thought the worst, and while she sobbed at the other end of the phone, I thought my whole family had been killed in a car accident. When she was finally able to breathe again, and told me what happened, I was so angry I slammed the phone down on her. She realized later what she had done.

I don't think you need to apologize to Mr. Ekland. You were justifiably frightened. Never apologize for honest feelings, Alane...! When Mr. Ekland meets you, he will realize you are a lovely person. :-)

Tabor said...

Talk about your pregnant phone calls. I will try to remember how others are on the end of the line when I think their voice sounds strange. Too early to call, definitely.

slommler said...

What a terrible way to wake up. I would have reacted the same way too!

The Bug said...

Not only do I think you don't need to apologize, I would probably make a point of asking him to NEVER call again that early in the morning! Of course, I didn't even get out of bed this morning until 9:30, so I would have been totally discombobulated if someone had called.

Nancy said...

You have such a way with words, dear Shimp. I think you put it very well - our deepest vulnerabilities live on the thin edge of our nerves. It doesn't take much for us to brace ourselves for something that could take us down. If our voices are not warm and fuzzy - ohhh well!

Amy said...

Alane, You do write wonderfully! And I agree with Jo, no apology necessary - I might even go as far as "the Bug's" advice - make that call and ASSERT! Thank goodness it wasn't one of "those" horrible phone calls that probably most of us have experienced at one time or another.

Right now, a former employee and very good friend (she used to house sit and water the garden for us when we're gone), is in 'critical' condition with pneumonia. She's younger than me and all of this resulted from a simple laparoscopy (sp?) on her shoulder. Every time the phone rings I jump - and this has been going on 1-1/2 weeks!

Also, I've been meaning to respond to your comment on my "y" - the rebel yell - that would have been perfect.

Hope your Summer is going well!

laughingwolf said...

crap... i'd be reacting the same way, so fret not overmuch....

Kathryn said...

You are so wonderfully human, Alane.

I agree with the folks who say you don't need to apologize, but i would probably be simply honest. "When i receive a phone call that early in the AM from someone with a very formal manner, every fear i've ever had rears its ugly head. I felt really stupid later, but i was quite frightened."

I understand not wanting longer or personal explanations (such as having lost family members or your son being gone) but it might be good for him to hear why you were so very cold. I also agree with the others that within a few minutes of knowing you he will know that what he heard on the phone was NOT normal for you at all.

So glad it wasn't something bad. :)

Porcupine said...

...And I felt like the biggest jerk in the world because at that moment, I was one of them.

I think you may be a wee bit hard on yourself. Take it from one who has, in fact, been the biggest jerk in the world and used many words beginning with or featuring the letter F, questioned lineage and parental marital status, and implied Oedipal situations with far less provocation.

I've mellowed some with age, but still... A porcupine never loses his quills, he just gets too tired to go to the bother of using them. I admire your conscience, though.

Certainly, your meditation on anger and feeling a fool is worthwhile. Pride and anger are capital sins for a good reason.

Of course, my solution is I almost never answer my phone, especially if I don't recognize the number. Let 'em leave a message, I say. I can listen immediately or not as I choose. Also, the dread "official call" would probably not come from an unknown number, I don't think. I'm still not looking forward to having licensed, relatively grown children in that department.

My wife is big on those imaginary ditches too. I think you did just fine not tearing the guy a new one. You really shouldn't call people at 7:46 am unless you're positive that's all right, especially at home on a Saturday.

christopher said...

I love the way you describe your view of the world.

And to Steve I would say, that unless told otherwise, calls before 8am are reserved for family.

TechnoBabe said...

It definitely was early to be calling. In our house we each have a cell phone and no house phone. I turn my phone off at night.

Jennifer D said...

I knew within the first couple sentences that something terrible happened! My gut clenched, I felt light headed and that was just while reading your blog post.

I would have reacted the same way.
I have had to teach my parents to say "it is no emergency" when they leave a message on my machine.They always sound so urgent and frustrated ( prob. because I didn't answer)that I panic and think something terrible happened.
Once my Mom called and said she had talked to a dear cousin of mine...then asked if she could come over to talk to me in person!
By the time she got to my house I was a wreck, so sure that my cuz was dead. I was very mad about that.

I often wonder why men don't react the same way? It is a good thing they don't. I am sure Mr. Painter will understand. He called too early!

You are a wonderful writer, thanks for sharing.

Land of shimp said...

Teri, I agree, that is too early to call someone on a weekday morning, unless it is work related (as in, related to your own, personal job) but on a weekend? Yikes. I'm generally up by 6:30 a.m. but it just happened to be a morning where I'd slept until 7:37 because my husband had taken the dog with him.

So he barely missed waking me up.

You're right, civil would have been a victory, but I think I was some gross approximation of civil. Clearly furious but icily polite.

The thing is, my anger was not attached to calling that early. If I'd been honestly angry with the guy, that would have been one thing, but I wasn't. I was angry with my fear response.

It was one of those "I'm having this emotion, that is pretty much controlling me, even though I don't want it to...and here, as a gift to you, you get to deal with that." That level of snappishness should really be reserved for those who have done something to deserve it. He was being slightly rude, I was being the monster that dines on rude people as snacks.

But thank you, I really do appreciate the kind words.

Jo, I thought of you as I posted, because I knew you had received at least one of those reality-bending, world-ending phone calls. You never do forget them.

There are never adequate words to convey how sorry I am that people have those things happen in life, particularly you. Your Aunt must have scared the tar out of you, and I'm sure she felt dreadful upon realizing it but the bulk of my sympathy is with you on that one. She'd had a distressing obstacle, but you had the near life scared out of you. It's kind of different because your Aunt knows your history. I don't blame you in the slightest for being honest-to-goodness angry.

Tabor, isn't that the truth of the matter? It's not the early call, which is not great, but the guy may have simply not looked at the clock...and only realized, "Uh, oops." when he had the speaking Badger on the phone.

It's that space of time in between the fear of what this is, and it's actually made somewhat worse by the "Oh great, I just blew a gasket over NOTHING. Could nothing have waited fourteen damn minutes???"

SueAnn, that's the other part. If he'd caught me on a normal morning, I'd have been full caffeinated and on the top of my game. I'm a slow witted person before coffee. Basically, I felt so stupid.

Dana, what you're getting to is the crux of the matter in why I know I reacted purely. I had every right in the known world to say, "It's too early to be calling, Mr. Eckland." in an icy tone, "I will speak to you later."

But I didn't do that. Instead I was being passive-aggressive which is, to my mind, much worse than just being honestly affronted. That whole, "I'm being so very, very civil...only absolutely not."

Ah well, if I hadn't had rampaging fear I'd have been civil, truly. Just saying, again, if my anger reaction had been about calling that early? I was actually entitled to that. But if my husband and son had been home, I'd have glanced at the clock and thought, "Little early...what the...?" and answered, while being genuinely polite if baffled.

It wasn't the hour of the call, and I kind of know that.

Land of shimp said...

I really do appreciate everyone being so kind.

If I'd been actually angry about the time he'd been calling, hey, I'd let myself off the hook too. But I wasn't. I hit that guy with a truckload of "pretending to be polite, while actually being clearly furious" and it wasn't with him.

Nancy, thank you :-) That is where I'm a tiny bit stuck. On the one hand, it is too early to be calling, and I could just let it ride on that.

But you've got grown kids too, and you know, if I saw my son being that rude to someone on the phone? I'd call him out on it.

So, I'll apologize and eat the "wasn't in control of myself there" slice of humble pie. Sure, it was understandable, but it was disproportionate.

Oh Amy, I'm so sorry. That is the worst feeling, isn't it? Every time the phone rings, there's this moment of sheer terror and it's exhausting during periods like that.

I really hope your friend pulls through, and that soon the ringing phone will be a case of, "Oh, I wonder who that is?" rather than the dreaded harbinger of doom.

Laughing Wolf, thank you. And you know what? Gosh you're right. I'm not fretting, thankfully, I'm more concerned with my "I must make this right." instead of the "What must he think of me?" I kind of don't care what he thinks of me. Right now I'm just not pleased with myself.

Aren't we all, Kathryn? At least I know I have lots of company in the "we are but human" category :-) Thank you...and you know, you're right. I need to just go with being honest, even though it's going to embarrass me. Hehe. Good thing we can't actually die from being embarrassed, right?

Land of shimp said...

Hey Porcupine! Did you Cricket nip into a phone booth, whip off his glasses and produce you? I think he did :-)

As I said above, boy, if I'd actually been that outraged because he called that early? Okay. But I was being so passive aggressive and not actually reacting to what he did, but my own past.

Also, there's just a big difference, to my mind, between reading someone the riot act, even with Oedipal references, and having an entirely dishonest exchange wherein I'm saying polite phrases, with a tone that negates their meaning. Be rude, or be polite, but you can't be both at once.

Well, clearly you can but...Cricket will get this, so tell him. Long, long ago a Shaman told me that the easiest thing in the world was to figure out how to be a better person: Figure out a standard, and then hold yourself to it.

That's the easy part, figuring it out. Actually doing it requires effort and the ability to admit, "I was wrong."

I mean, really, I wasn't fully in the wrong. Too early to call, that's a given, but I was ...not the best version of myself. Access to my better self was temporarily blocked by the twerp version of me. I know her all too well. I'd like to get rid of her before shuffling off the mortal coil :-) Tall order, and not likely to happen, but I have to try.

Christopher, thank you and I so enjoyed your post on recipes. You have a deft use of language and it's such a pleasure to see.

Technobabe, maybe when my son is older and no longer lives at home, I'll do that too. For now I still feel like I'm on duty when he isn't home :-) I don't have a landline any longer, either.

Jennifer, it's funny, I think many men do react the same over that phone call thing. Now, if someone is late, it takes me forever to go to the "dead, in a ditch! Calamity!" level...and I mean, really it needs to be hours.

But I remember one time I was standing at the top of the stairs in our other house, and something minor happened, something frightening but you know...basically I needed help with something. I called down to Rob in what I thought was a perfectly normal tone of voice, and he appeared beside me so quickly, it was as if he teleported.

Oh my goodness, he was FREAKED. He had to sit down and breathe deeply. "You should have heard the way you said my name, I thought there was someone up here with a gun."

I think men react the same way to things they think they need to confront, but that there is a distance imposed by the phone where they don't feel as much pressure to act, and solve.

Land of shimp said...

I just wanted to add a general comment: I think you are all wonderful people, and it genuinely touched me that everyone is so kind, and willing to let me off the hook.

I can let Steve think that my passive-aggressive snit was about calling too early, but it wasn't. I wouldn't be pleased, normally, but my reaction was disproportionate.

Thankfully, when and if he gets to know me better, he will hopefully know it's a rarity but the reason I feel I owe him an apology is that...and I may not be adequately conveying this...I was a jerk. I was mean. Far meaner, and frankly, far ruder than calling too early in the morning warrants. Really, I was the embodiment of bad manners.

Now, actually what Rob said cracked me up, "Well honey, you may not want to let him in on it, because when I spoke to him? Wow, did he ever have his cheery-customer-service persona in place. I guarantee you he's so scared of you right now, an apology will like just scare him more."

Snerk. Thanks dear. Fee fi fo fum, that's me.

ds said...

No, I am not the most gracious person Before Coffee, either. In fact, it generally takes 2 cups to achieve Normal Human Activity. So Steve would probably have gotten the same response from me.

That said, I love this for the way you relate anger to our need to protect, and to keep our fears in check. Well done, Alane! Thank you.

DUTA said...

People sometimes call at strange hours, using strange words or intonations - and this has made me very sensitive about phoning in general.

I became especially oversensitive about phone-calls since that dreadful day when I received a phone-call announcing me of the sudden death of my only brother.

Kathryn said...

My "you're so human" comment, Alane, was mostly, "you're so honest about being human." Too many people try to cover over, up, &/or justify. You just lay it out. We love you for that! :)

Land of shimp said...

ds, thank you :-) It's also something I think parents deeply understand. There comes a point when you have children when anger is rarely just anger any longer. You get to know anger really well when your kids hit the teen years. In many of those "What were you thinking??" moments of outrage, it is so proximate to absolute terror that they are almost interchangeable.

Heh, fun being a person sometimes isn't it? I'm not at best pre-coffee, that's for sure. Thank you for letting me know that I have such good company in that, ds.

Oh Duta, I'm so very sorry. I know too well what that is like and wouldn't wish it on anyone, but particularly someone with such a good heart. I'm so sorry that happened.

Hey Kathryn, thank you :-) I think people are afraid of admitting to being at fault sometimes because they think of it as being wholly definitive, rather than attached to that particular instance.

I'm not mean, you know me pretty well actually, and so I think you can attest to that: Nope, not generally mean, or over reactionary, or overly sensitive.

But boy, I was the trifecta of it in those moments. It happens to us all, I do know that.

Really one of the nicest things about reading these comments is that they are all so nice, and kind. Truly kind.

I'll have other moments in life where I can hopefully achieve that but yeah, I was the schmuck version of me. I really hope that someday those moments will be so few and far between that they won't feel so...familiar, really. You know? "There's one of my greater faults, one I've been working on my entire adult life, and will likely be working on until the day I die. How you doing fault? Still hanging in there with a vengeance, I see."

Maybe someday I will succeed in completely evicting that part of me, but it wasn't yesterday, and it is unlikely to be today.

Thank goodness I still have the chance of the tomorrows to follow, I guess.

Teri said...

I can see your point of being angry with yourself and not so much the caller. I can understand that and see your point. But that being said, I also see from the circumstances you've told that girl... you have ample reason to have had such a fright.

I agree with the commentor who said it would be good to expain in a general way 'why' your were a wee bit gruff. That is something he DOES need to think about. I'm sure he makes many calls to clients and has probably made others scared too. (Besides the fact it IS too darn early to be ringing people houses!!)

Teri said...

BTW... not saying you should be angry with yourself!! But that I understand what you are saying.

Cricket said...

Yes, I (we?) see your point, of course. On the other hand, you being "the biggest jerk in the world" sounds a lot like me "showing admirable restraint."

I suspect you at your worst is perilously close to me at my best.

Cricket said...

p.s. - One thing I meant to add: you may not have been angry specifically because of the early call, but calling someone that early on a Saturday is probably what set the alarm bells ringing in the first place. Right?

I got a call once at 2 am. Of course I jumped out of bed... no one calls me at 2 am. So I'm thinking "Oh God, did Dad have a heart attack or something!?!"

It turned out to be some Spanish guy looking for Armando... a wrong number. But still, you can't help a reaction like that. Well, not too much anyway. I'm just sayin'.

Alix said...

Yes, yes... but the good news is you got a contractor to call you back, right?


Great post my dear. And - yes - we have all had those awful untimely calls that usually result in us needing a defibrillator. Worse yet is the knock at the door. Horrid!

I have young adult kids who prowl the night and I am always on high alert. I have a feeling that antennae never stops receiving signals either.

PS: There's a rule in my house... never call anyone after 9pm or BEFORE 9am. Give me Steve's email address and I'll enlighten him on the finer points of contractor etiquette!

Hilary said...

Ack.. I could feel my stomach churning for you. I've learned over the years that I get far more wrong numbers or sales calls at those horrible hours to always jump to that immediate conclusion. But there's always that split-second where your mind shrieks and your heart races. All the circumstances were those which led to panic. So understandable. I'm glad it was just the painter guy. Hugs to you, my friend.

Alix's comment cracked me up. ;)

ethelmaepotter! said...

Oh, God, I would have felt the same wild panic, and I don't have nearly as many reasons as do you. I'm sure after a brief heartfelt apology, and maybe a drink and sweet confection, all will be forgiven.

I'm sorry I missed your latest post, but I completely understand that need to remove it, for fear of hurting someones feelings. Been there, done that. More than once.

Dave said...

WOW! That was some story Alane! But I understand where you came from there. - Dave

Joanna Jenkins said...

You are way, way, WAY nicer than me. Anyone who calls my house before 9am on the weekend gets reminded what time it is-- So if they're calling at dawn it'd better be a matter of life of death-- theirs.

Stopping by from Hilary's. Congrats on the POTW mention.


Bossy Betty said...

Congrats of POTW! I enjoyed this very much!!!

Shrinky said...

Oh Love, what a perfect articulation of (okay, a little mis-directed, but completely understandable) fear-response. I LOVE the power of your writing, what a brilliant post!

Kyle said...

We all have anger, and it does seem to come out in the most unexpected ways when a trigger is hit. You will make things right Alane, that's more than most would do.